yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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