She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
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Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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