in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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