i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
