I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
