There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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