who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
