I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
