I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
