so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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