So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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