She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
