Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
