do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
