No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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