Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
