Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
