Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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