Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
