I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
