So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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