At least make sure they are 18
Why
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
