So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
