She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
