Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
