OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
