Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
