Fuck appropriateness.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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