i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
