Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
