it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
