new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
