Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
