I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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