apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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