i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
