I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
