I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
