that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
