the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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