We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
