Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
