Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
