Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize