You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
