So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
