First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
