U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
