There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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