yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
