She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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