Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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