You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
His nipple licking is glorious
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