If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
