There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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