Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ladies don't puke and tell
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
