All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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