Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
