I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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