I want to have your abortion
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
