Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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