Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
