you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
