Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
