Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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