My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
