What a fucking waste of an outfit
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Someone signed my nipple.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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