I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
