EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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