I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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