ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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