All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
