hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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