i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
