I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A+ Viking dick
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