Who did Billy Mays play for?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
