i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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