Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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