she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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