O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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